Bomba back as Commish as Prime Time Ousted; Text reveals Bomba went Cherry Picking

After a tense trade exchange with team Hartan, Commissioner Lalazarian left the AFFL and his job as commissioner and handed over the reigns to Ara.

Today, he took those reigns back.

The Commissioners office released the following statement:

“After taking the last four weeks off, Commissioner Lalazarian has retaken the role of acting commissioner and striped Ara of any and all powers, effective immediately. We do not wish for Ara to strip or strip anything else of his governing body. We thank him for the admirable job he did during the four week period and look forward to his future involvement in the AFFL.”

Initial reports indicated that the stepping down of Commissioner Lalazarian was permanent, but this is obviously not the case.

However reports have surfaced of a text exchange between Ara and the Commissioner’s office indicating that the entire Prime Time era was a set-up from the beginning.

In the text obtained by the courier, a text sent to Prime Time on Friday Nov 8 at 7:58 am read “Drama in the affl… play along.. I’m gonna act like Im done.” This was after a missed call was found on Prime Times phone from the Commissioner on Thursday the day before. Was this all a set-up? Subsequent texts go on to instruct Ara on what to post in the chat, as the Commish had left it days earlier. It seemed like Ara was just a puppet Commish all along, and a large puppet at that.

During his absence, the Commish has been said to have taken a trip to a beach island and rejuvenated while partaking in a seasonal cherry picking festival.. He has since returned to the AFFL mainlands and plans to finish the season. Could he still step down the following year? Those close to him say that its a real possibility.

”The AFFL just experienced what running a league is like with no Commish communicating who is in charge, kind of like what the US has gone through over the last 5 months, “ said an anonymous AFFL team manager whose name rhymes with saucemness. “I think we need a Lala in there.”

With the playoffs now one week away, the question as to the future of the AFFL will have to wait until the next off season, when we will surely have more drama unfold. Stay tuned.

Chased Away: Hartan Enraged over Last second Bomba trade; HBK last season? New Commish Ara vows to Make The AFFL Great Again

Chase reacting to Hartan having issue with the trade to Bomba

Chasing Pain

The Affl has had its share of crap trades, but according to league trolls Hartan, none are worse than the one that happened this past week.

At just before 3 minutes to go before the Thursday night game, Bomba and HBK executed a trade that sent Ja’maar Chase and Mark Andrews to Team Bomba in exchange for Brian Thomas Jr and Trey Mcbride. Both Thomas and Mcbride have low price values which was enticing for HBK’s future being that he is already well behind the playoff hunt.

While it seemed that the trade had fair compensation, Hartan immediately soiled their shorts and began to plaster the AFFL chat directed at the Commish for a questionable move. They sited that there was no due process to the trade and that he was the only one who had the ability to pull off a last second trade and process it as quick as he did. Hartan further tried to sprinkle salt on the shit sandwich they were were forced to eat as they watched Chase erupt for 55 fantasy points against them, by claiming that Brian Thomas and Mcbride do not have much keeper value and the trade was lopsided.

“I would give my right testicle to be able to pull off that kind of lopsided trade,” said Vartan as he reached down to make sure he indeed had his there. “Bomba just used his powers to collude with HBK and destroy the integrity of the league to get a win. It’s obvious.”

While Vartan continued to piss into the air and tell everyone it was raining, Harout initially had no problem with the trade, leaving a huge question as if Vartan’s qualms were indeed honest or just a show.

“We have evidence that Sunday mornings no trades have been executed for the reason of due process, and same should be applied here.”

Vartan indeed is correct that in 2020, the Commissioner did indeed put a Saturday night deadline on trades to not have to deal with the am fiasco. However, upon research in the leagues trade history, many trades have been made after the Saturday midnight deadline, leaving into question what is the official stance of the leagues trade protocol.

”2020 was a Covid year, and with the chaos of the virus, that definitely factored in,” said Frank Samian from his bungalow in Newport Beach. “The league could have handled it better.”

Despite the Sunday debate, this trade occurred on Thursday, and being that it is a short week, it would be in the leagues best interest not to put such a deadline on Wednesday evening.

In the aftermath, Hartan has claimed that the entire exchange with Bomba was a troll and they never intended to seriously challenge the trade.

“We provided a screenshot showing that we were egging on the Bomba the entire time to liven up the league,” said Harout. “The last thing we want is Ara to be Commish.”

The courier has seen the screenshot between Hartan managers that proclaim it to be a ruse. The screenshot was shown to Bomba as evidence, but he wasn’t having it.

“That message was sent at :6:10pm, nearly an hour after the trade,” said Bomba through a zoom conference call. “ The trolling began immediately at game-time. Unless you expect me to believe that Hartan is so in-tune with each other that when one of them feels an itch the other will scratch his own ass, I can’t buy what they’re selling.”

The AFFL is now left fractured, as teams are wondering what is going on. Jaj Cousteau has particularly had a hard time dealing with it.

“I’ve been trying to Jaj, but it hasn’t been the same. Its like when you find out your usual go to hot chic pic is trans, it kinda takes the joy out of it.”

No Jaj, No Bomba, and potentially no HBK?

HBK’s Last Season?

While Hartan has laid issue with the Bomba over the trade, lost in the argument is word that it may have been the last chord plucked in HBK’s sweet chin music.

People close to HBK have reported that he is apparently done with the AFFL, sighting the lack of enthusiasm in the league and consistent bashing of all things HBK.

“He’s already told the league to find him a replacement,” said one league source who wished to remain anonymous. “And he’s not joking.”

HBK has been one of the founding fathers of the AFFL, one of the four teams that started the league. Early in his fantasy career he teamed up with Bomba to form a lethal tag team duo. The two won a title and were destined for great things.

However, HBK wanted to taste success for himself, to prove to the AFFL world that he can win a title under his own name. Growing out his hair for months, changing his entire wardrobe to tight fitting leather pants and cool vests, the HBK image was born.

Over the next 15 seasons, HBK would drop hammers on AFFL opponents, drafting future breakouts at will. He was known as the rookie whisper, as he would build teams around the youth movement.

It lead to two finals appearances, along with multiple playoff showings. That may all be in the past as of today, as HBK may have hung them up for good.

Make the AFFL Great Again: Prime Time version

Since the trade, acting commissioner Bomba has stepped down, claiming that he has had enough of the complaining and doesn’t find the league fun anymore.

”Effective immediately, I will be stepping down from acting Commissioner and putting Prime Time owner Ara as acting commissioner. He will be in charge of all league matters.”

For years, Prime Time has been a thorn on the Commish’s side, going so far as to vote him out of office at multiple league meetings. He know has been given the chance to implement his policies his way. Early returns have not been favorable.

“As your new Commish, I will eradicate all co-managed teams, and immediately suspend Hartan from speaking in the chat.”

Ara has also claimed that he will be putting forth a new hat that will make the AFFL great again. The hat will be mandatory for all managers to wear and heavy fines could come if they refuse to do so.

The new rhetoric is nothing knew from Prime Time, who plans to govern with an Iron fist wrapped in a metal glove. Many managers have reached out to Bomba to beg for his return, but Bomba has been steadfast in his decision.

”It was crazy,” said Grabbers, “B and I pulled off a trade and needed it processed Saturday night so it gets in before the Munich game Sunday at 630 and Bomba told me to message Ara since he is the Commish. I have 3 kids, I don’t have time to message Ara. I begged him to please process it, but i had to wait for Ara. I’ve never seen anything like this. Does Ara even know what process means?”

BDizzle offered an even darker picture.

“If Ara is commissioner, you can kiss the AFFL’s nuts goodbye. He’ll castrate the league bro. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He once tried to trade me a back up running back for my top WR. I auto reset my phone thinking maybe it was a virus bro. This isn’t good.”

How long will Ara remain Commissioner? That is up in the air. One thing is certain however, the league is in chaos. One trade has broken the league into pieces and it will now be the work of managers within the league to meld them all again.

Ara was unavailable for comment as he is currently on vacation in the Sequoias.

Can the AFFL be saved? We will see…

After Acquring Patrick Mahomes from BDiddy, Cobra trading history called into question. Collusion?

Will Cobra get canceled?

In a culture of digging up people’s pasts, it looks like the AFFL has finally gone woke and has pointed the woke cannon at Cobra Kai after a blockbuster trade that netted him the best Fantasy QB in the league from team BDiddy, who happens to be managed by Cobra’s brother Baret.

HBK sounded off on the AFFL Whatsapp board, splattering the chat with GIF’s galore, voicing his disdain for the yearly Cobra and Diddy trade.

“Wouldn’t be an AFFL season if we didn’t get the yearly Cobra-Diddy player swap,” said a snarky HBK. “Glad that’s out of the way.”

What followed was a waterfall of comments from the traders defending their cozy trading history.

Co-Manager of BDiddy, Mike, who is been surprisingly active this season despite his claim that he will be retiring at seasons end, rushed to the side of his Armenian-Sev themed co-managed team, like a hyestanci wife who just saw another woman scold her child. Amot!

“How many trades have you declined from Cobra?” Mike snapped back at HBK, insinuating that Cobra’s methods are universal and it just so happens that they are the beneficiaries of a numbers game.

But is he correct? Is Cobra merely spraying the field and just hoping someone bites? Is it coincidence that over the past 10 years, BDiddy and Cobra have made a trade in every season but two?

Below is a chart that has every BDiddy and Cobra trade since 2011.

Over the past 10 season, Cobra and Diddy have traded 10 times, during every season except for two. In one season they traded twice. Comparing the total trades to all the trades made by Cobra during that span gets us closer to answering the question as to whether there is some shenanigans going on between the two teams.

Here is a comparison between BDiddy and all other teams that Cobra has traded with during that time.

The 10 trades made with BDiddy over the last 10 seasons exceed all other teams by an average margin of 6.3. Magnum Sev.i and Hartan are the only two teams that are better than half the number of trades made during that time at 6 and 5 respectively. All other teams have traded with Cobra 4 or less times. Looking at the chart above, there is clear evidence that the majority of the trades that are being made by Cobra are with one team over the entire league.

What happens when we compare the number of trades teams have made with Cobra to their total number of trades overall? Doing this may allow us to examine if the BDiddy phenomena appears with other teams. It stands to reason that if a teams total of trades during this time is relatively high, perhaps the percentage of trades with Cobra really won’t matter. Has BDiddy been trading with a lot of other teams in order to negate the above findings? Lets take a look

Below is a chart of the number of trades made with Cobra compared with all other teams since 2011

Here are the percentages of total trades teams made with Cobra during that span

Looking at the above graphs we can see that 76% of all trades made by BDiddy were with Cobra. You might as well say that Cobra is Diddy’s personal street supplier. Hartan and Shabam have also traded more than 60% of the time with Cobra. No other team crosses the 50% threshold, while Jaj does come close.

What is interesting to note is that Bomba has traded 19 teams over the past 10 years and not once has he managed to trade with Cobra. Is he being unfairly singled out?

So what can we conclude? Is there a tad bit of favoritism going on between BDiddy and Cobra? Perhaps so. Is it intentional? That will be left for the Whatsapp chatroom to discuss.

What is clear is that Cobra has made a lot of trades over the past 10 years with an overwhelming majority going to BDiddy during that time. He has manged to also be the primary trader with a few other teams, such as Hartan and Shabam as well. Regardless, nobody has benefited more from trading with Cobra than BDiddy, even though it has yet to garnish the team a title.

Should the AFFL go full woke and put in some “equity” trading clauses to even outcomes in the trading market? America has been keen on mandates lately so perhaps a mandate on Chakarian’s to trade with Lalazarian’s at least once per season would be fitting.

Then again, Cobra may already be putting a trade package together for Awesomeness as we speak. Bomba out again!

Awesomeness Wins 3rd AFFL Title in 2020

Awesomeness completes a great season by knocking off HBK Shant Micheals in the 2020 AFFL finals and claims his 3rd AFFL title. Only two other teams have won 3 or more titles, Hartan and Bomba. It has been a magical ride for Awesomeness who recovered from losing Dak Prescott to cruise to a 10-3 record and the #1 overall seed. He has a 3-1 record in 4 finals appearances. With a few good keepers in Swift and Gibson, he’ll be the odds on favorite to repeat as champion in 2021.

HBK Shant Michaels missed an opportunity to claim his first AFFL title, but shouldn’t hang his head. He entered the season with no keepers and managed his way through the waiver wire to an 8-5 record and 4th place finish. It was a job well done.

Grabbers finished as the 3rd place victor, knocking off Vosgee gyank by a hefty 50 point margin. Look for Grabbers to come back strong in 2021 with Sanders as his top keeper.

AFFL FInal Four Preview - HBK/Vosgee Championship Rematch Headlines Games

Four teams are left in the AFFL. This weekend will see two old-time champions square off against two new comers looking for their first title. These have arguably been the four best teams in the AFFL this season, so it is nice to see we get a match-up of such powerhouses. Without further ado, let’s get into the breakdowns of these games along with a little history lesson of each match-up.

Awesomeness (1st seed; 10- 3) vs Grabbers (4 seed; 8-5):

Line: Awesomeness -12.45 o/u 234.23

2020 head-to-head: Awesomeness 97.14 - Grabbers 75.80

Lifetime head-to-head: Awesomeness 6 wins - Grabbers 10 wins

Playoffs head-to-head: Awesomeness 0 wins - Grabbers 2 wins

Last playoff meeting - Awesomeness 129.66 - Grabbers 160.50

The History of Awesomeness

After blazing on the scene in 2008 with a finals appearance, Awesomeness continued his path of destruction by making three consecutive finals, and becoming the first team to win back-to-back titles in the AFFL. That was a long time ago. Since the 2010 AFFL title, Awesomeness has been virtually non-existent, making a brief appearance in the top 3 twice (2015,2017) but finishing in 9th place or worse in 5 seasons. Ouch.

This year has marked a return to glory for the franchise, as Awesomeness has managed to claim the top seed in the league. With a mix of talented old faces and new ones, the team has overcome the loss of Dak Prescott and played his cards perfectly at the QB position. The roster has been hit by the injury bug of late, so it will be interesting to see if Awesomeness can manage to overcome adversity one last time.

Looking to set the record for biggest gap between championships, Awesomeness is the favorite to win it all.

The History of Grabbers

What began as a kernel of fantasy ignorance has blossomed into a flower of fantasy wisdom. The early years of the Grabbers franchise was more about duduz pinching and being the vor of the AFFL than championships. Finishing no better than 7th the first four seasons in the league, Grabbers broke through in 2012 with his first finals appearance. Since that time, he has managed a second finals appearance (2015) and made the playoffs 5 of the last 8 seasons. Not too shabby.

This season has been a tale of ups and downs. Grabbers benefited from a controversial auction call with Kamara, and began the season as the team to beat. With Sanders and Jacobs as his keepers, the team began the season on a tear, winning the first five games with ease. However. the tide turned week 6, when weaker WR production along with injuries to RBs caused the team to falter. Going only 3-5 to finish the season, Grabbers limped into the postseason. Many had their doubts that Grabbers would be able to win, but he did, knocking off a feisty Hartan team in the first round.

Now Grabbers enters the semi-final as the underdog, looking to make the finals for a 3rd time and claim his first AFFL title.

Match-up Breakdown

Quarterbacks: Carr vs Rodgers

Carr has a chance at massive points in a shoot-out with Herbert Thrusday night, but don’t think it will out do Rodgers:

Advantage: Grabbers

Wide Receivers: Tyreek & Evans vs Juju & Cooper

Tyreek is as explosive as it gets, despite a tough match-up vs NO. Evans isn’t exactly lighting the world on fire, but the match-up is at least right vs Atl. Juju is hardly getting used, except in the red-zone, while Cooper is gonna have to deal with Dalton’s throws and a tough SF defense.

Advantage: Awesomeness

Running backs: Robinson & Swift vs Kamara & Jacobs

This one is intriguing. Robinson has been as solid as they come, putting up an average of 10+ a week, while Swift has been dealing with coming back from an injury. Is this when he gets his full workload back? Kamara is always going to be solid, though Taysom under center has really killed his receiving stats. Jacobs is game script dependent. If they get down, he will be on the sideline watching.

Advantage: None

Tight End: Waller vs Tonyan

Name value goes to Waller, who has been a top 2 tight end all season, but Tonyan has held his own. What is interesting is that both teams are stacking their QB with their TE. Which one comes out on top?

Advantage: Awesomeness

Flex: DJ Moore vs Miles Sanders

Dj Moore may avoid the tough corner match-up with Alexander of GB this weekend. If he does, he should have his usual 70 yards and a score. Sanders had a big week last week which was mostly done off one long TD run. It counts, but you have to wonder if teams may stack the box against Hurts and limit Sanders. However, he should still get into the endzone this week.

Advantage: Grabbers

Special Teams: Bass & Baltimore vs Sanders & Tennessee

Both kickers have been reliable all year. One has had the more consistent double digit production. Sanders should edge Bass here. Defensively, Baltimore vs Jax is a great match-up, but Tennessee gets to feast on a back-up Qb in Det. Regardless, Bal is the better defense.

Advantage: Awesomeness

Prediction

Grabbers has made it to the Semi’s with a team that looks great on paper. With advantages at the QB position and the Flex, he has a chance to put this game out of reach should they both go off. However, that won’t happen. Awesomeness will manage to get more juice out of his RBs than expected and the Carr/Waller stack will give him the edge that leads to victory come Sunday.

Awesomeness 145.25 to Grabbers 128.12

Vosgereechee Gyank (2nd seed; 9-4) vs HBK Shant Michaels (3rd seed; 9-4)

Line: Vosgereechee Gyank -0.72 o/u 213.30

2020 head-to-head: Vosgereechee Gyank 100.70 - HBK 94.70

Lifetime head-to-head: Vosgereechee Gyank 10 wins - HBK 7 wins

Playoffs head-to-head: Vosgereechee Gyank 2 wins - HBK 1 wins

Last playoff meeting - Vosgereechee Gyank 139.96 - HBK 71.56

The History of Vosgereechee Gyank

The Gyank story is one of redemption, where the little guy gets a chance to dish back against the big boys. Having finished in last or second to last place in 5 of his first 6 years in the league, Gyank was looking for something to build off. His fortunes finally turned with a historic run to the AFFL championship game in 2016 in what has gone down as one of the most epic finals in AFFL history. By the grace of the fantasy gods, and the efficient Dallas offense keeping Dan Bailey to six extra points on MNF, Gyank claimed his first and only AFFL title by a mere .72 points. Finishing in second was… HBK. Since that day, every HBK match-up has been circled on the calendar. This year, HBK once again stands in the way of Vosgee and another title. The drama couldn’t be higher.

During the 2020 season, Gyank has ridden the back of Derrick Henry, who has been the best RB in fantasy football. Overcoming the loss of Kittle has been tough, and a lack of a true RB2 has been tougher, still Gyank has managed. He started the season red hot, winning 5 of the first 6 weeks. He finished the season with a 4-3 record, but even in defeat managed some solid outings.

Looking to become one of only four other teams to win multiple titles.

The History of HBK Shant Michaels

The story of the “sexy boy” begins as a co-manager with Bomba, winning a title in ‘06 under the Bomba name. Since that time, HBK has branched off, hoping to win his first title under his own moniker. He has come oh so close. His first five season in the AFFL as the fantasy wrestler were mixed, with a few 4th place finishes combined with some 10th and 11th place seasons. Despite making the playoffs in 4 of 8 seasons, HBK couldn’t get past the semi-finals. After finishing 4th again in 2014, his big break came in 2016, where he squared off against Vosgee in his first finals appearance. Needing only a few fgs from Dan Bailey on MNF for his first AFFL title, HBK was dealt a gut wrenching finals loss, losing to Gyank by .72. He hasn’t made it back since.

The 2020 season however isn’t about HBK and Gyank, it is about HBK and Cobra, the team he managed to beat in the quarterfinals. Outbidding Cobra at every turn at the draft, HBK managed to bolster a roster that had the early look of a champion. Winning his first three games in a row and scoring 130+ showed the league that he was indeed a team to beat. However, the lack of a true RB reared its ugly head, and the squad fell apart, losing 3 of the next four games. Many said this was a typical HBK season, and he would soon fall apart. However, this wasn’t the old HBK, and Shant managed to win 5 of his last 6 to close the season in impressive fashion

Now he’s looking to win his first title and erase the curse of Bomba, the curse of Gyank and everything else for good.

Match-up Breakdown

Quarterbacks: Wilson vs Hill

Taysom hill has been putting up a solid 25 points weekly, and this week looks to be much the same in what could be a higher than usual scoring game vs KC. Meanwhile, Russell Wilson has looked fairly average against tough defenses, and Washington qualifies as one of those. Still, he has the higher ceiling.

Advantage: Vosgereechee Gyank

Wide Receivers: Adams & Thomas vs Ridley & Metcalf

Four stud WRs going at it. Awesome. Each team has the QB for one of the other teams Wrs (Wilson Metcalf, Hill Thomas). While Thomas is a great receiver, he is banged up and going to watch Hill run more than he passes. Meanwhile, Metcalf will at least eat a TD from Wilson. On the flip side, Adams is just too strong a WR to count out. Ridley will hold his own.

Advantage: HBK Shant Micheals

Running backs: Henry & Mckissic vs J. Taylor & Akers

Interesting battle here. Henry against a horrible LIons defense is a lock for 30. The question then becomes, what is Mickissic worth? 10? Can Taylor and Akers get to 40 combined? Absolutely. Will they is the question. That depends on if McVay plans to play possum with his RBs like he always does or lean on Akers. Nevertheless, the match-up with the Jets isn’t great for RBs. Can’t count on him for more than 12 points.

Advantage: Vosgereechee Gyank

Tight End: Goedart vs Fant

The ‘X’ factor here is Kittle. We’ll assume Kittle is out this week. Goedart is a solid play, but has been losing snaps to Ertz since his return. Meanwhile, Fant is going to be a focal point on offense against a Buffalo defense that gives up the 6th most points to TEs.

Advantage: HBK Shant Michaels

Flex: Aiyuk vs Hilton

It’s almost like they are the same player on another team. Both have great match-ups.Both have suspect QBs. One of them is going to score more points than the other. Just don’t know which one.

Advantage: None

Special Teams: Butker & Seattle Def vs ??? & Colts Def

Butker is one of the most solid kickers in the game, and Seattle will get to pounce on a Was team that could be without Alex Smith. The Colts will be solid vs Hou, but who will HBK play at kicker. Dan Bailey?

Advantage: Vosgereechee Gyank

Prediction

This is a strange year, with everything turned upside down. Consider the last time Vosgee won the title, Donald Trump was elected President. This year however, he lost the election, and as Trump goes, so too goes Vosgee. Somehow, someway, we have to just let nature take its course. Last year, Shabam exorcise their demons. This year, HBK gets to exorcise his.

Vosgereechee Gyank 121.14 to HBK Shant Michaels 124.23