Chased Away: Hartan Enraged over Last second Bomba trade; HBK last season? New Commish Ara vows to Make The AFFL Great Again
Raffi Lalazarian
Chase reacting to Hartan having issue with the trade to Bomba
Chasing Pain
The Affl has had its share of crap trades, but according to league trolls Hartan, none are worse than the one that happened this past week.
At just before 3 minutes to go before the Thursday night game, Bomba and HBK executed a trade that sent Ja’maar Chase and Mark Andrews to Team Bomba in exchange for Brian Thomas Jr and Trey Mcbride. Both Thomas and Mcbride have low price values which was enticing for HBK’s future being that he is already well behind the playoff hunt.
While it seemed that the trade had fair compensation, Hartan immediately soiled their shorts and began to plaster the AFFL chat directed at the Commish for a questionable move. They sited that there was no due process to the trade and that he was the only one who had the ability to pull off a last second trade and process it as quick as he did. Hartan further tried to sprinkle salt on the shit sandwich they were were forced to eat as they watched Chase erupt for 55 fantasy points against them, by claiming that Brian Thomas and Mcbride do not have much keeper value and the trade was lopsided.
“I would give my right testicle to be able to pull off that kind of lopsided trade,” said Vartan as he reached down to make sure he indeed had his there. “Bomba just used his powers to collude with HBK and destroy the integrity of the league to get a win. It’s obvious.”
While Vartan continued to piss into the air and tell everyone it was raining, Harout initially had no problem with the trade, leaving a huge question as if Vartan’s qualms were indeed honest or just a show.
“We have evidence that Sunday mornings no trades have been executed for the reason of due process, and same should be applied here.”
Vartan indeed is correct that in 2020, the Commissioner did indeed put a Saturday night deadline on trades to not have to deal with the am fiasco. However, upon research in the leagues trade history, many trades have been made after the Saturday midnight deadline, leaving into question what is the official stance of the leagues trade protocol.
”2020 was a Covid year, and with the chaos of the virus, that definitely factored in,” said Frank Samian from his bungalow in Newport Beach. “The league could have handled it better.”
Despite the Sunday debate, this trade occurred on Thursday, and being that it is a short week, it would be in the leagues best interest not to put such a deadline on Wednesday evening.
In the aftermath, Hartan has claimed that the entire exchange with Bomba was a troll and they never intended to seriously challenge the trade.
“We provided a screenshot showing that we were egging on the Bomba the entire time to liven up the league,” said Harout. “The last thing we want is Ara to be Commish.”
The courier has seen the screenshot between Hartan managers that proclaim it to be a ruse. The screenshot was shown to Bomba as evidence, but he wasn’t having it.
“That message was sent at :6:10pm, nearly an hour after the trade,” said Bomba through a zoom conference call. “ The trolling began immediately at game-time. Unless you expect me to believe that Hartan is so in-tune with each other that when one of them feels an itch the other will scratch his own ass, I can’t buy what they’re selling.”
The AFFL is now left fractured, as teams are wondering what is going on. Jaj Cousteau has particularly had a hard time dealing with it.
“I’ve been trying to Jaj, but it hasn’t been the same. Its like when you find out your usual go to hot chic pic is trans, it kinda takes the joy out of it.”
No Jaj, No Bomba, and potentially no HBK?
HBK’s Last Season?
While Hartan has laid issue with the Bomba over the trade, lost in the argument is word that it may have been the last chord plucked in HBK’s sweet chin music.
People close to HBK have reported that he is apparently done with the AFFL, sighting the lack of enthusiasm in the league and consistent bashing of all things HBK.
“He’s already told the league to find him a replacement,” said one league source who wished to remain anonymous. “And he’s not joking.”
HBK has been one of the founding fathers of the AFFL, one of the four teams that started the league. Early in his fantasy career he teamed up with Bomba to form a lethal tag team duo. The two won a title and were destined for great things.
However, HBK wanted to taste success for himself, to prove to the AFFL world that he can win a title under his own name. Growing out his hair for months, changing his entire wardrobe to tight fitting leather pants and cool vests, the HBK image was born.
Over the next 15 seasons, HBK would drop hammers on AFFL opponents, drafting future breakouts at will. He was known as the rookie whisper, as he would build teams around the youth movement.
It lead to two finals appearances, along with multiple playoff showings. That may all be in the past as of today, as HBK may have hung them up for good.
Make the AFFL Great Again: Prime Time version
Since the trade, acting commissioner Bomba has stepped down, claiming that he has had enough of the complaining and doesn’t find the league fun anymore.
”Effective immediately, I will be stepping down from acting Commissioner and putting Prime Time owner Ara as acting commissioner. He will be in charge of all league matters.”
For years, Prime Time has been a thorn on the Commish’s side, going so far as to vote him out of office at multiple league meetings. He know has been given the chance to implement his policies his way. Early returns have not been favorable.
“As your new Commish, I will eradicate all co-managed teams, and immediately suspend Hartan from speaking in the chat.”
Ara has also claimed that he will be putting forth a new hat that will make the AFFL great again. The hat will be mandatory for all managers to wear and heavy fines could come if they refuse to do so.
The new rhetoric is nothing knew from Prime Time, who plans to govern with an Iron fist wrapped in a metal glove. Many managers have reached out to Bomba to beg for his return, but Bomba has been steadfast in his decision.
”It was crazy,” said Grabbers, “B and I pulled off a trade and needed it processed Saturday night so it gets in before the Munich game Sunday at 630 and Bomba told me to message Ara since he is the Commish. I have 3 kids, I don’t have time to message Ara. I begged him to please process it, but i had to wait for Ara. I’ve never seen anything like this. Does Ara even know what process means?”
BDizzle offered an even darker picture.
“If Ara is commissioner, you can kiss the AFFL’s nuts goodbye. He’ll castrate the league bro. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He once tried to trade me a back up running back for my top WR. I auto reset my phone thinking maybe it was a virus bro. This isn’t good.”
How long will Ara remain Commissioner? That is up in the air. One thing is certain however, the league is in chaos. One trade has broken the league into pieces and it will now be the work of managers within the league to meld them all again.
Ara was unavailable for comment as he is currently on vacation in the Sequoias.
Can the AFFL be saved? We will see…
