Chased Away: Hartan Enraged over Last second Bomba trade; HBK last season? New Commish Ara vows to Make The AFFL Great Again

Chase reacting to Hartan having issue with the trade to Bomba

Chasing Pain

The Affl has had its share of crap trades, but according to league trolls Hartan, none are worse than the one that happened this past week.

At just before 3 minutes to go before the Thursday night game, Bomba and HBK executed a trade that sent Ja’maar Chase and Mark Andrews to Team Bomba in exchange for Brian Thomas Jr and Trey Mcbride. Both Thomas and Mcbride have low price values which was enticing for HBK’s future being that he is already well behind the playoff hunt.

While it seemed that the trade had fair compensation, Hartan immediately soiled their shorts and began to plaster the AFFL chat directed at the Commish for a questionable move. They sited that there was no due process to the trade and that he was the only one who had the ability to pull off a last second trade and process it as quick as he did. Hartan further tried to sprinkle salt on the shit sandwich they were were forced to eat as they watched Chase erupt for 55 fantasy points against them, by claiming that Brian Thomas and Mcbride do not have much keeper value and the trade was lopsided.

“I would give my right testicle to be able to pull off that kind of lopsided trade,” said Vartan as he reached down to make sure he indeed had his there. “Bomba just used his powers to collude with HBK and destroy the integrity of the league to get a win. It’s obvious.”

While Vartan continued to piss into the air and tell everyone it was raining, Harout initially had no problem with the trade, leaving a huge question as if Vartan’s qualms were indeed honest or just a show.

“We have evidence that Sunday mornings no trades have been executed for the reason of due process, and same should be applied here.”

Vartan indeed is correct that in 2020, the Commissioner did indeed put a Saturday night deadline on trades to not have to deal with the am fiasco. However, upon research in the leagues trade history, many trades have been made after the Saturday midnight deadline, leaving into question what is the official stance of the leagues trade protocol.

”2020 was a Covid year, and with the chaos of the virus, that definitely factored in,” said Frank Samian from his bungalow in Newport Beach. “The league could have handled it better.”

Despite the Sunday debate, this trade occurred on Thursday, and being that it is a short week, it would be in the leagues best interest not to put such a deadline on Wednesday evening.

In the aftermath, Hartan has claimed that the entire exchange with Bomba was a troll and they never intended to seriously challenge the trade.

“We provided a screenshot showing that we were egging on the Bomba the entire time to liven up the league,” said Harout. “The last thing we want is Ara to be Commish.”

The courier has seen the screenshot between Hartan managers that proclaim it to be a ruse. The screenshot was shown to Bomba as evidence, but he wasn’t having it.

“That message was sent at :6:10pm, nearly an hour after the trade,” said Bomba through a zoom conference call. “ The trolling began immediately at game-time. Unless you expect me to believe that Hartan is so in-tune with each other that when one of them feels an itch the other will scratch his own ass, I can’t buy what they’re selling.”

The AFFL is now left fractured, as teams are wondering what is going on. Jaj Cousteau has particularly had a hard time dealing with it.

“I’ve been trying to Jaj, but it hasn’t been the same. Its like when you find out your usual go to hot chic pic is trans, it kinda takes the joy out of it.”

No Jaj, No Bomba, and potentially no HBK?

HBK’s Last Season?

While Hartan has laid issue with the Bomba over the trade, lost in the argument is word that it may have been the last chord plucked in HBK’s sweet chin music.

People close to HBK have reported that he is apparently done with the AFFL, sighting the lack of enthusiasm in the league and consistent bashing of all things HBK.

“He’s already told the league to find him a replacement,” said one league source who wished to remain anonymous. “And he’s not joking.”

HBK has been one of the founding fathers of the AFFL, one of the four teams that started the league. Early in his fantasy career he teamed up with Bomba to form a lethal tag team duo. The two won a title and were destined for great things.

However, HBK wanted to taste success for himself, to prove to the AFFL world that he can win a title under his own name. Growing out his hair for months, changing his entire wardrobe to tight fitting leather pants and cool vests, the HBK image was born.

Over the next 15 seasons, HBK would drop hammers on AFFL opponents, drafting future breakouts at will. He was known as the rookie whisper, as he would build teams around the youth movement.

It lead to two finals appearances, along with multiple playoff showings. That may all be in the past as of today, as HBK may have hung them up for good.

Make the AFFL Great Again: Prime Time version

Since the trade, acting commissioner Bomba has stepped down, claiming that he has had enough of the complaining and doesn’t find the league fun anymore.

”Effective immediately, I will be stepping down from acting Commissioner and putting Prime Time owner Ara as acting commissioner. He will be in charge of all league matters.”

For years, Prime Time has been a thorn on the Commish’s side, going so far as to vote him out of office at multiple league meetings. He know has been given the chance to implement his policies his way. Early returns have not been favorable.

“As your new Commish, I will eradicate all co-managed teams, and immediately suspend Hartan from speaking in the chat.”

Ara has also claimed that he will be putting forth a new hat that will make the AFFL great again. The hat will be mandatory for all managers to wear and heavy fines could come if they refuse to do so.

The new rhetoric is nothing knew from Prime Time, who plans to govern with an Iron fist wrapped in a metal glove. Many managers have reached out to Bomba to beg for his return, but Bomba has been steadfast in his decision.

”It was crazy,” said Grabbers, “B and I pulled off a trade and needed it processed Saturday night so it gets in before the Munich game Sunday at 630 and Bomba told me to message Ara since he is the Commish. I have 3 kids, I don’t have time to message Ara. I begged him to please process it, but i had to wait for Ara. I’ve never seen anything like this. Does Ara even know what process means?”

BDizzle offered an even darker picture.

“If Ara is commissioner, you can kiss the AFFL’s nuts goodbye. He’ll castrate the league bro. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. He once tried to trade me a back up running back for my top WR. I auto reset my phone thinking maybe it was a virus bro. This isn’t good.”

How long will Ara remain Commissioner? That is up in the air. One thing is certain however, the league is in chaos. One trade has broken the league into pieces and it will now be the work of managers within the league to meld them all again.

Ara was unavailable for comment as he is currently on vacation in the Sequoias.

Can the AFFL be saved? We will see…

BombaCast: Cobra Kai votes & pays tribute to Awesomeness

Bombacast: Time to change the Defense/ST point system.

Bomba breaks down the AFFL Draft survey, previews the second one, and proposes a new way to score defenses

2019 AFFL Draft Recap & Grades: Money to Burn. Bidding wars take the Prices of top Talent Sky High. Is this Finally the year of the Diq'?

Welcome to 2019. After a night of drinking, talking smack, and fighting off mosquitos, the AFFL is set to begin the new season. The ceremonial draft began with the passing of famed AFFL trophy, that has been added upon by each winning manager. Hartan is the current champ, and was gracious enough to host the draft at the House of Hartan in Burbank. Once pleasantries were exchanged, and few hugs given, it was business as usual with a cast of characters honing in on their favorite pics.

Last place finisher Magnum Sev.i was indeed the highlight of the draft, showing up in his retro Tom Selleck get-up. With baseball cap in tow, Sev.i donned the ceremonial “ass place” toilet cover over on his head and set the draft into motion. Absent once again this year was the Shabam to Avo’s Shadiq Andre Tutunjian, who was at his daughter’s school orientation. As families are growing in the league managers must stay focused and find ways to out maneuver their significant other. Whether this means sneaking out, getting someone to cover “husband duties” or flat-out lying, it is a choice that every manager must make for themselves.

After baby karma took over the league in the early 2010’s, it has seen a resurgence in recent years, with teams trying to have kids just for the sake of AFFL luck. This year alone, there are multiple managers expecting to become fathers again, and some for the first time. Will this become a bigger distraction and separate the have’s from the have not’s? We shall see.

In any case, the addition of keepers in the AFFL has left many teams with ideal situations: two great players and lots of money to burn. This year alone 6 teams came into the draft with two keepers of high quality and low cost. These teams were Prime Time, Cobra Kai, Shabam Shadiq, Vosgee, Bomba & Jaj Cousteau. Another two BDiddy, and Hartan had at least one top tier player with another solid piece. Awesomeness began with 2 studs, but paid a hefty price. HBK was the lone manager who had one keeper, although that keeper was at a solid value. Grabbers and Sev.i rounded out the teams with keepers with good players at good prices but in a ballpark of their own.

What this meant was that there was going to be a feeding frenzy on players at the top of the board and a lot of value to be found elsewhere. That is exactly what happened, with teams adding to their already stacked core to create “super cores” of players from top tiers. A few managers opted to zig where others zagged and play the middle game, trying to accumulate more depth and talent rather than wow players. The results speak for themselves and here we will break down the teams and give them a grade.

About grades…

The breakdown of a roster isn’t so much about the players chosen. We can argue about who likes who more. One team may believe in a players bounce back year. Another may not. While we can argue over the price of a player, the more important part of the equation is how well did the team do in overall construction. Are there holes that need to be addressed or did they draft with those holes in mind? This will be the main focus of the grades. So when reading below, don’t get caught up in who got the shiny Lamborghini that will make everyone jealous, ask if they have enough Toyota Camrys to handle the daily commute to work.

Let’s get to it

Teams are listed in Alpha Order

Atomic Bomba

Keepers: Alvin Kamara $16, Travis Kelce $26

Best Picks: Antonio Brown $42, Allen Robinson $9

Worst Picks: Jameis Winston $2, Golden Tate $5

The Bomba came into the draft with two players in the top 15, with one in the top 4 in Kamara. With one of the stronger cores to begin with, he could have gone all in on a top Rb or WR and then sat back and cherry picked his needs. Many probably felt that he should have. However, the squad was built around finding the best prices for top players. The key here would be to make sure to insulate the risk. Taking Antonio and Gordon is fine, but then mixing them with risky players elsewhere is going to leave the team very vulnerable. The construction addresses the Antonio saga well, with enough steady and upside WRs to mitigate an Antonio meltdown. The problem is the RB slot. Taking Gordon and making him an RB2 puts the team in hole. Ideally, the plan was to make Gordon an RB3, but that didn’t happen. Relying on Justice hill or Royce Freeman to be that guy at RB2 is dicey at best, for now. Ultimately, the team needed a solid Rb2, like a Montgomery, to make this situation work. If it gets it, or if Gordon is signed or traded, remains to be seen. For now, this grade has to reflect accordingly.

Grade: C

Why: Can’t have Gordon and not build depth at RB. Mistake.

Awesomeness

Keepers: Devonte Adams $42, Tyreek Hill $37

Best picks: Sequan Barkley $76, Jamison Crowder $3

Worst Picks: 3 QBs, Old Tight ends

Starting off with two top 8 Wrs is golden for Awesomeness. The right play for this team would have been to add heavy to the RB slots and go deep as possible. While he started off with Sequan for $76, a solid piece, the rest of the draft was spent getting players that were of no use to the overall construction of the team. No need for three Qbs when you have Rodgers. Those are precious roster spots. Where are the RB2s? Instead of the gluttony at quarterback and two old Tight ends, Awesomeness would have been better served investing in some mid-tier Rbs. Someone like Tevin Coleman, Royce, Lindsay, anyone. While the core of three studs and a top Qb is very good, the rest is very poor, and leaves Awesomeness heavily exposed when coming into the bye weeks. Things can work out, but he’s gonna need to manage this thing through.

Grade: C-

Why: Not enough depth at RB on paper. Little upside on the roster. Malcom Brown and Guise. That is about it.

BDiddy

Keepers: Stefon Diggs $34, Austin Ekeler $6

Best picks: David Johnson $58, Calvin Ridley $16

Worst Picks: Ty Hilton $25

BDiddy came into the draft with perhaps the most telegraphed move of all the managers. They were in the best position to take Gordon and assume the least amount of risk since they had Ekeler. They could have also had the luxury of overspending on him and still coming out ahead. They did neither. While you can’t fault them for not wanting to take the risk, not getting the depth at RB to offset the chance of a Gordon return wasn’t a smart move. Without solid pieces behind Ekeler, the RB2 slot is looking volatile. The TY Hilton money would have done wonders getting a solid RB2. Woods is a fine WR2. Hilton was risky. It perhaps mirrors the situation that Bomba had, except the lack of RB2 isn’t somewhat alleviated with a top tier TE. Ultimately this team is going to survive based on how long Gordon is out. They may hit gold if Gordon is traded. Even then, Ekeler is still in a time share. Hopefully something can emerge from the stashes on the bench.

Grade: D+

Why: Lack of top tier talent elsewhere can’t offset the ton of downside that is the RB slot.

Cobra kai

Keepers: James Conner $9, Chris Carson $17

Best Picks: Chris Godwin $24, Mike Williams $28

Worst Picks: Latavius Murray $8, Mattison $7

The Cobra came into the draft with the second best keeper value on the board in Conner. With money to burn, he could have opted to just bombard the top tier guys, getting two top 8 Wrs or RBs. Instead, he opted a more disciplined approach, which was to get a lot of mid-tier players with upside. Whether or not you buy the hype on the players, the roster is constructed with depth and upside. There isn’t really much to fault in the thinking. Keenan Allen was probably the one pick that was unnecessary, since Mike Williams was going to be a later target. Spending $56 on both those guys could have gotten a stud in place, which would have been preferred. The bench has a lot of handcuffs, and upside players. The Cobra is relying on many breakouts on his roster, and this could all come true. Would have been nice to just get one big name on board with all the money he had to burn. Perhaps Godwin can be that guy. We shall see.

Grade: A-

Why: Solid depth at all positions. Lack of star power could be the only problem and having to choose which guy to play each week.

Grabbers United

Keepers: Christian Kirk $6, James White $13

Best picks: Damien Williams $40, Miles Sanders $20

Worst Picks: Kareem Hunt $13, Cj Anderson $7

The team at the biggest disadvantage coming into the draft was team GU. The two keepers aren’t of top tier talent. This made getting someone in the top of the RB and WR food chain a must. Grabbers opted instead to double down on his Mahomes love. This is well and good, but spending $28 on him instead of a WR or RB is really tough to swallow considering the other players on the roster. Damien Williams was the RB that offers the top tier value that Grabbers was looking for, and he did a great job getting him at a good price. Jacobs is the other gamble, and both should be okay at the RB position. The problem is the WR core. Galloday is nice, but not exactly WR1 worthy yet. Maybe he will be. There was no reason to spend up on Kareem hunt or CJ anderson . Not when your WRs are Galloday and Dede Westbrook. This may all work out, but on paper it is tough to see where Grabbers has an advantage on a weekly basis besides the QB spot. And even that can be a question mark to week-to-week. The waiver wire will be calling soon.

Grade: C

Why: WR Depth Lacking. No top tier talent to offset.

Hartan

Keepers: Adam Theilen $22, Marlon Mack $12

Best picks: Zeke $69, Odell $55

Worst Picks: DK Metcalf

The reigning champs came into the auction in the middle of the pack when it came to keepers. Opting not to keep Ertz may have surprised some, but Theilen and Mack were the right call for the price. They opted to go hard at Zeke and also Odell, giving the squad a strong 4. However, that didn’t come without a cost. Spending on Zeke meant getting Pollard, and they did, which was a smart move. That left them scrounging for WRs and RBs to fill out their roster. Being heavily invested in the Browns may backfire in epic proportions, or may be what sends Hartan to their second straight final. That said, the roster is formed on the four pieces mentioned with a lot of questionable players behind them. Not a lot of depth and the lack of a true Rb3 is going to be a severe drain on this team.

Grade: B-

Why: Lack of RB depth. Uninspiring Bench.

HBK Shant Michaels

Keepers: Kerryon Johnson $18

Best picks: Dalvin Cook $63, Dj Moore $19

Worst Picks: Justin Jackson $9

HBK was the lone manager with only 1 keeper. Going into the draft, he was perhaps the one team that we knew would go after a top tier WR or RB and go all in. He did. Dalvin is a great piece, although he didn’t get him for the value he wanted. The squad has a good starting due at RB, and Tevin Coleman should be a nice RB3. Justin Jackson was not necessary. The problem with the squad is going to be at the WR position. Relying on mid-tier guys like Edelman and Dj Moore HBK is hoping for booms elsewhere. Edelman should be a strong play, albeit a bit of a capped ceiling and Moncrief can be a great Wr3. The depth isn’t as rounded out as it should be. All-in-all, the roster has Dalvin and Kerryon to carry it, with a lot of middle level guys around it. The question will be whether or not those middle level guys are enough to put HBK over the top on a weekly basis. We shall find out.

Grade: B-

Why: Only star value is Dalvin. Going to have to rely on Middle tier guys

Jaj Cousteau

Keepers: Mike Evans $35, Evan Engram $10

Best picks: David Montgomery $22, Tyler Lockett $17

Worst Picks: None

The Jaj Cousteau came into the draft with a top 12 WR and top 5 TE. The value for both wasn’t huge, but he did have some money to burn. He opted to invest in guys with potential rather than proven pieces. Levon Bell and Montgomery are a solid duo, but both come with risk. Bell hasn’t played in a year, and is on a bad team. Montgomery is a rookie. Adding Ty Montgomery, Tarik Cohen, Lindsay gives the Jaj enough depth to deal with with downside. At WR, Locket is volatile, but Evans should be solid enough to carry the two on off weeks. Will Fuller is also a nice stack with Watson and gives Cousteau a lot of upside potential, especially with Lamar Millers injury. Duke Johnson as well. Really can’t find a hole on this roster. Its nicely built with a lot of guys who can really pop. Nice Jaj…err.. hand job..um.. job.

Grade: A-

Why: Well rounded with guys to cover any potential holes. Hinges on Bell, but if not, Lindsay is a sold RB2.

Magnum Sev.i

Keepers: Matt Breida $9, Mark Ingram $17

Best picks: Joe Mixon $37, Fournette $49

Worst Picks: Sammy Watkins

The Sev,.i had a sneaky draft. He first opted to keep Breida, which many people would question. However, now looking at it, Breida looks like a solid RB2/3. He then traded Ingram for Aj Green after drafting Boyd. Now, I don’t know about being all invested in the Bengals, but hey, they will be throwing a ton. Might as well get Andy Dalton while you’re at it. The roster is solid at the RB spots, with Fournette and Mixon to care the load, but lacks a lot at the WR position. When AJ returns, that should help, but when that is, who knows. Until then, a core of Boyd, Marvin Jones, and Josh Gordon will have to be enough. That may be enough, especially with guys like Sanders on the bench to provide an additional boost. Cook could be a serviceable TE as well. Nice job handcuffing Fournette as well. The good news for Sev.i is that they could have really messed their team up, but did a nice job of adding pieces to the roster to make them well rounded. Whether that means more wins, we shall see.

Grade: B

Why. Solid pieces and balance. No wow factor, but enough depth to deal with some downside.

Prime Time

Keepers: Aaron Jones $10, Brandin Cooks $16

Best picks: Deandre Hopkins $64, Zach Ertz $28

Worst Picks: Gus Edwards, Jordan Howard

Prime Time went to the market and got his guys. Gurley and Hopkins came at a hefty price, but both are top talent. When a team goes that hard at top guys and has the money to do it, you would like to see them also invest in handcuffs. Prime missed on Gurley’s handcuff, and that could be something that bites him in the ass. While the core is very solid, a lot of teams have great RBs and at least one stud WR. Where Prime did his damage was getting Ertz. He now has the ability to match-up with a lot of teams at multiple positions. He can offset the downside of players due to this. His extra cash was well spent, and what you think of Gurley doesn’t matter, he put his money where his mouth was. The problem may be in the dpeth or lack their of. There are a bunch of uninspiring options to back these guys up. While some may pan out, it remains to be seen if they will. Perhaps Corey Davis can finally break out, but that’s been the story for years. Handcuffing Aaron jones was wise, but we’d love to have that happen to Gurley too. Only reason Prime doesn’t get an A.

Grade: B+

Why: Need to handcuff Gurley. Too much risk not to.

Shabam Shadiq

Keepers: Nick Chubb $8, Juju Smith-Schuster $34

Best picks: CMC $66, Cooper Kupp $18

Worst Picks: None

Honestly, Dre should never show-up to another draft. Whatever they got going on the phone is working. Coming into the draft, Shabam had two top 8 pieces to start their team. They could have blown the lead, but instead, only built a really strong team. They have exceptional depth at the RB position with Cmac, Chubb and Freeman. Amari is a solid WR2, with the only risk being that the foot does cause problems. They then addressed that with the drafting of Kupp and Samuel. The only hole in the roster is at the TE position and perhaps the QB spot. But even there, Lamar Jackson has upside. You can’t be strong everywhere, and if you are going to be weak somewhere, might as well be the TE position. There really isn’t much fault to find on the thinking of assembling the roster. They answered the question marks and got good value to boot. Now, is this the year they finally break through?

Grade: A+

Why: Depth. Star talent. Addressed weakness and potential downside.

Vosgereechee Gyank

Keepers: Derrick Henry $18, George Kittle $7

Best picks: Julio Jones $66, Mike Thomas $65

Worst Picks: Larry Fitzgerald, Jamaal Williams

Vosgee was another team that came in with a nice starting two and lots of money to burn. With Henry and Kittle solidifying the RB1 and TE spots, Vosgee did what he had to do, go for studs at the WR spots. Rather than opting to find middle guys, he went for the prime cut. Can’t fault him for that. He had the cash to do it. The core of Julio, Thomas, Henry and Kittle is very formidable, but the key to the draft is not just those guys, its the guys around them. Here, Vosgee fell apart. Lamar Miller was to be that guy, but he is injured. Outside of Miller, there isn’t another RB on the roster worthy of playing as an RB2. This hole is massive and really is going to cause Vosgee problems. Unless Peyton Barber is that guy, which even if he is, there is just too much uncertainty there to rely on. Wisely, Vosgee did handcuff Henry with lewis, so he is secure at RB1. The roster is very top heavy, and while that is all good, the lack of pop from RB2 and TE , as well as a very thin bench of upside is going to perhaps cause the Vosgee weekly fits.

Grade: B-

Why: RB2 is a problem. No real big upside on the bench.