Magnum Sev.i releases rap album entitled "Still the team to beat B***h". League asks managers to go to grief counseling.
Raffi Lalazarian
After beginning the year by trading away lots of great players for a few not so great ones, the Magnum Sev.i has done what they do best: Dig themselves a hole they can't climb out of.
Yet despite the team sitting at 1-7, managers Danny and Sevag still believe they are the team to beat and have released a rap album expressing their confidence.
"We're just tired," said Sevag. "We're tired of having to convince everyone all the time that we are the team to beat. So, we just wanted to drop this album and put it all out there at once. Still the team to beat, b***h is something that is close to my heart. We're still the team to beat. I added the bitch because it sounds harder."
It is unclear whether or not Sevag had been drinking or under the influence of narcotics during the time he made these statements, but the confidence the team has with the albums release has led the league to intervene and ask that both managers go to counseling. Danny refuses to do so, and was outspoken about his disgust on how the league operates.
"If I should go to counseling for grief, then Ara should go to counseling for suffering, because he makes everyone in this league suffer with his idiotic trades and nonsensical rants. Get that guy a couch. Get us a throne. Still the team to beat b***, now available on Itunes and Amazon music."
The album features many interesting track titles, such as Makin' it rain FAAB money and Accept the trade Motherf***er. Here is the complete list.
- Still the team to beat bitch
- What round is he?
- 1 and 7 and in heaven
- Dropped an RB1 just cuz
- Makin' it rain FAAB money
- Accept the trade Motherf****
- Stat correction erection
- F*** inactives
- My kicker got blanked
- Bomba sucks my bomba
- Got the lowest points
- Wife be trippin. (extended cut) featuring Lucy
- Weekly High
The album has been given a two and half star rating average on itunes and many complain that the lyrics are too offensive for teens and not offensive enough to fantasy football pundits. Others rave about the real life story that Sevag captures in his lyrics. Take for example these lines from the track Got the lowest points where Danny raps:
"Anquan Boldin in the flex. Inactive? F*** it. Andre Johnson aint shit. Even with Luck in. Senior Bowl for the old and slow. Rather a #1 who's out, than a 3 who don't show. "
Or how about this gem from Stat correction erection:
Point two! What do I do? It's 3 am. Can I call a friend? Lost my mind, when I lost the game. Wake up at six, will the score be the same? Hear my prayers lords of fantasy (echo: lords of fantasy). can you get me sprung? You have my attention. Morning wood. Need that stat correction erection.
It's highly unlikely that Sev.i will make the postseason with a 1-7 record, but stranger things have happened. Nevertheless, it looks like their confidence isn't taking a back seat. We'll leave you with the second verse from the third track "1 and 7 and in heaven."
Mama caught me with a bag. Never liked smokin fags. And if you hoes wanna know, then get off of the rag
Before you, there was me. Rhyming smooth like Hennessy. Now things going wrong, but that's just livin.
1 and 7 and I'm still in heaven. 1 and 7 and I'm still in heaven.
That's right Sev.i. Just keep singing. Everything will be okay.