AFFL Finalizes Draft Order for "World Leaders League." Egypt Gets First Pick.
Raffi Lalazarian
Commissioner Lalazarian shares a light moment with UN secretary-general Ban Ki-Moon dancing to Psy's hit "Gangnam Style."
After finishing his tour of eastern Europe and the "stan" countries, Commissioner Lalazarian held a private meeting with United Nations secretary-general Ban Ki-Moon where the two leaders approved the final draft order for the newly formed World Leaders Fantasy Football League. The order was determined using cooked dumplings, filled with a taste that represents each country drafting in the WFFL. The UN secretary's first bite was into a falafel flavored dumpling, granting Egypt the right to select at number one. Nicaragua's corn filled dumpling came in second.
President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi is elated after having a shot at Lesean McCoy.
"This is a momentous occasion for Egypt, and we want nothing better than to show the World, that our team 'Touchdown Tutankhamun' will be victorious and claim the golden prize," said Egyptian President Abdel Fattah el-Sisi. "We mean business my friend. This is not playing around. Yallah! Emshi! Number one pick."
El-Sisi would not comment on who plans on selecting with the first pick, but reporters overheard his staff members discussing the Philadelphia Eagles Offense in Arabic shortly after.
The fourteen team, half ppr, keeper league will hold its draft Monday August 25th at 7:25 pm at an undisclosed pizzeria in Italy. Topping the group of inductees are super powers such as the United States, Russia, England, and China, but will also include smaller countries like Uzbekistan, Nicaragua, and Zimbabwe. Armenia also received an automatic bid after passing a bill that would make AFFL the official fantasy league in Yerevan. Turkey did not make the cut.
Soon after the draft order was announced, countries quickly began exploring potential trade options. Reports out of Washington claim that the United States was working the phones to try and jump into the top five. Chief foreign correspondent Richard Engel said that Obama and company isn't ruling out the use of foreign aid as incentive to wheel and deal.
"The President really thinks Forte is going to have a big year, and that's not the Bears fan talking. We think he's worth the investment."
President Mugabe knows something that we apparently don't..
Meanwhile, leaked text messages between French President François Hollande and President Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe discuss a potential 2nd round and 5th round swap. Mugabe is rumored to be against any deal involving a 5th round pick, as he has already come out and said that he plans on selecting a sleeper that round "who will wake to be a giant of giants." Many think this alludes to New York Giants running back Rashad Jennings.
Countries will now begin to form their draft committees and finalize their rankings, as they look to win the most prestigious fantasy league in the world. The grand prize for the champion will a trophy made of pure gold, as well as bragging rights at all foreign meetings. Chinese President Xi Jinping reportedly got the smack talk started when he sent President Daniel Ortega of Nicaragua a whatsapp message shortly after the draft order was announced saying, "You is suck. Team ready for defeat. Beijing Life."
Here is the complete draft order.
- Egypt
- Nicaragua
- China
- Russia
- France
- Uzbekistan
- England
- United States
- Armenia
- Zimbabwe
- Germany
- Italy
- Uruguay
- Japan